honeymoon!

okay, i admit, planning a honeymoon on top of planning (and paying for) a wedding has made it a very low priority on my list of things to be doing. at the same time, one of my co-workers made a point to tell me that he thinks doing something, no matter how small, after the wedding and before you start your new life as spouses, is very important. with that in mind, i talked to dave about maybe taking a short camping trip on the coast after the wedding, and we both agreed that would be okay.

then, i was reading a sunset magazine and there was an article about utah and i remembered the amazing day i had there on my way out to colorado. specifically, i fell head over heels in love with moab. i put beehives on everything for a while, planned on where i wanted to put on as a tattoo on my body, embroidered them and read about them and the history of utah (and the mormon church) for an entire summer. i couldn't believe i hadn't thought of it sooner! i brought it up to dave yesterday while we were driving around and his face just lit right up. we're not sure if we're going to go to moab exactly, but we know we want to be in utah, and we want to be surrounded by red rocks. yay!

check out this lazy baby goat!

it looked at me just long enough to blink sleepily before laying back down. no matter how much i called "hey! baby goat! over here!" it just slept next to her mama and refused to be cute for my camera. lazy baby!

how's the wedding planning going? pretty well. we have a caterer, we have a wedding dress, we have a deposit on the venue, and we have a pretty good idea what the invites will look like. we still need to either find a dj or a place to rent a PA system, nail down the menu, and find clothes for everyone else. i feel pretty good about the progress we've made, though. i have some stuff to do as far as decorations go, but nothing is too terribly complicated, so i'm not too stressed about that.

i've quit going on to the offbeat bride forums. they were beginning to make me crazy, and to be honest, they kind of fostered this "OMG my wedding is going to suck" feeling in me. when it's just me and dave talking about the wedding, i feel great. the moment i start to compare to anyone else's (and i do that way too often for my own good) i start to doubt myself. my dress was $50, and it is not fancy or princess-y in any way, which i think suits me, but then i see all sorts of fluffy, pretty dresses on other brides and think "maybe i'm missing out..." i see amazing photos that people obviously spent good money on, and i worry that my pictures won't be as awe-inspiring. i see groups of bridesmaids and groomsmen that look like they wandered over from a movie set, and i feel weird about not having a bridal party. i could go on and on. i like to think that i'm feeling a bit insecure because i want to do this right, because i only want to do it once and i want it to be the best it can be, but i worry that i'm just shallow and buying into the whole wedding-as-show thing.

when i stop and think about our wedding as more of a fun party for our loved ones, i relax. i remind myself that it's the marriage that's the important thing, and that being able to share it with our friends and family is the point. telling everyone that he's the one, introducing my new family, these things mean more than what i look like, how great our wedding favors are, or that the invitations were handmade. my wedding isn't a competition with anyone else, and it is only one day. i'm sure stuff will go wrong, i'm sure someone won't like the appetizers, and i'm sure that no matter what i'm going to have a great time.

gah

i keep saying i'm going to finalize the acorn drawings for our invites, but i keep putting it off. tomorrow maybe i'll bring my ink and pens into work, so when it's quiet there i can do it. i get self-conscious doing it at home sometimes, which is dumb, because no one cares when i doodle.

dave and i have come to an agreement; i do the invites, he does the food. our ideas weren't necessarily clashing with one another, but it's clear that i'm way more into the visual impact of the wedding stuff, like invites and decorations and such, and that dave will absolutely, positively perish if the food isn't exactly what he wants. i'm not going to make everything all crazy carnival, tiny top hats and circus freaks (like i would enjoy), and he promises not to spend our wedding slinging barbeque and getting his suit all dirty and greasy. this will be a good exercise in delegation and trust for us, right?

bought some paper!

the honest to goodness designing and wording of the invites happens...soon. like real soon! yes. going to happen.

also going to happen, i think i'm going to have to declare bankruptcy. like many kids in their 20s, i got a credit card and messed some stuff up, to the tune of $7,000. it was more than that, but i'm at the point where no matter how much i pay, it's not getting paid off. i don't want to carry this debt into my marriage, and since dave had to declare a few years ago, we won't be putting him back too far. ugh. not the *best* way to start a marriage, but not the worst.

it's stressful, to be sure, but what can you do?

we have the site!

which means we are also, totally, seriously, for REAL getting married on sept. 18th! before i locked the place down with the deposit, i was worried pretty much all the time that our day would get swiped out from under us and we'd have to change the date again. not that the first time we decided to change it was traumatic or anything, but i like to worry, and that was definitely a concern for me.

i also just discovered that i'm not getting comment emails for this blog! which means you nice commenters probably think i'm being an ass and ignoring you. i'm not! i swear! i'm so stoked to know anyone gives a shit about all this that i'm practically giddy. dude, that sounded sarcastic, but it's not. thanks for reading!

on to the details; we're getting married at the la conner flats, we have our date set, and now we have to work on the caterer and getting a dj. i think we also need to rent a little tent, because the granary only seats 50 comfortably. with the tent set up outside, and the pie buffet set up right outside the granary, under the awning, i think people will still mix and mingle while getting dinner. truth be told, most of the people coming to the wedding will be from dave's side of the family, as they are a big group, so i guess i'm just hoping my people mix in with them.

a few photos for you to enjoy,
a preliminary sketch of our save the date cards. that's a red solo cup, kids. these may not go out to everyone, by the way. i think i'll also draw a version that's a mason jar with lemonade in it for our elder guests.

and here i am having shots with my friend anne, who while technically not my maid of honor (since we're not doing that), is pretty much my main wedding babe. she knows a crazy amount of stuff, she's super extra amazing supportive, and i'm fairly sure that by now i'd be a nervous wreck without her. hooray for anne! and tequila!

okay, now that the site is booked, i can get to work on other things! you know, as soon as i drag myself away from the computer and all the other fun things i could be working on.

8 months from now i'll be a married lady

well, maybe not so much a "lady" as "married."

things i learned this week about weddings:

• if you order a dress, it could take 3 or more months to show up. meaning, i should really try on dresses.
• my friend anne is all about me trying them on this weekend, while i visit her in portland.
• if i want to buy a dress that doesn't involve the word "woman" i should think about starting that diet i've been talking about.

whew. so much to do! geez. we found the place, thank goodness, but we really need to put down a deposit so we can actually use it. we need to make our invitations, which also means finalizing our guest list and getting some addresses together. we need to figure out how to decorate our venue. paper plates or rentals? i think the biggest thing we need to do that will be the biggest pain in both our asses will be this: deciding on a caterer. as foodies, we're not sure anyone could do it better than us, our friends, and our family, but the thing is, if we want to actually enjoy the wedding, that means someone other than us need to be in charge of dinner. i've come to terms with this, but i know my dear man is still holding out, still trying to talk me into just doing all the food ourselves. luckily we are having this discussion now, and not three months from now. check back in three months, though, and make sure we've actually come to a decision.

i resolve to start with the planning, the decision making, and some of the purchasing, this very weekend. being with friends will help; i need someone else there to say "yay!" or "ew, gross." plus, i have a lot of married lady friends, who know about throwing big parties and where to get the best stuff. hooray for them!

polyester bride

first off, let me say that 99% of the time i love the site offbeat bride. there are great ideas, awesome photos, fun stories and a lot of helpful tips. lately, though, it's been driving me insane. let me explain.


my biggest beef with the Wedding Industrial Complex as it stands is that the idea seems to be that you have to a) spend more and more and more money, and b) everything has to be white and fluffy and have elements x, y and z or else it's going to suck. i can see most of that for what it is, sheer capitalism. offbeat bride (and other sites like it) are awesome because they don't demand that you have bridesmaids or a first dance or wedding favors. they spotlight couples who do handfasting, make bouquets out of antique buttons, as well as same-sex couples. they talk about elopements and courthouse weddings, weddings with children involved, and the variety of colors and settings are jaw-dropping. i love that.


however, i've noticed lately a trend where in all the stories where brides are talking about what made their wedding "offbeat" discuss two things; how they made everything and how their wedding was "totally, uniquely 'them.'" way to apply a totally new set of pressures on brides, kids. honestly, a lot of the interviews sound kind of smug and self-satisfied. oh-em-gee, of course your wedding was totally "you," YOU were the ones getting married. jeez. is there really any other kind of wedding to have? how do you have a wedding that's not you?


i want to make a lot of things for our wedding; like the invitations, the centerpieces for the tables, the decorations, but i don't want to make every single thing. after all, i do have a full time job and a family i would actually like to spend time with. plus, let's face it, i'm not great at everything. what's the point in making some elaborate centerpieces when they end up looking like an overzelous preschooler with some glitter and glue made them? i know my limits.

they also try to get you to make all your friends and family help with all the crafting, cooking and preparations. i think asking for some help is reasonable, but no one can convince me that my friends and family are going to be so excited to stay up all night long helping to assemble wedding favors. (and really, wedding favors? whose idea were they? i say NO to the wedding favor. your wedding favor can come in the form of dinner and red cup of keg beer.) people come to weddings to eat and either gawk at the new couple or get some dancing done. as long as you throw some food and drinks out there, and make it an otherwise awesome party, people will be happy and talk about how your wedding didn't suck. if they leave saying "dude! i had so much fun!" then yay! congratulations. as long as no one gets food poisoning or declares during the ceremony that they think we are a terrible, horrible, doomed couple, i'll be pleased.

i know this makes it sound like i'm dreading the wedding planning when in fact, i'm looking forward to doing some real planning, real soon. i'm hoping to shed some of the expectations i've been collecting the past few months, both on indie bride sites and from big wedding magazines (here's looking at you and your epic photo spreads, Modern Bride), pare things down to a reasonable amount of things to accomplish and start making my wedding truly, honestly, 100% me. (look, i snuck some snark in there.) at the end of the day, i want this wedding to be more more about me making a committment to my man and the kids, than it is about impressing anyone.

oh, and offbeat bride and brides? converse low tops are not offbeat in any way, shape or form anymore. wearing chucks under your gown is snooze-worthy. i'm sick of it! shoes do not make the girl. seriously. (where did that snark come from?! man, i am feeling kind of bitchy talking about wedding blogs and weddings.)