8 months from now i'll be a married lady

well, maybe not so much a "lady" as "married."

things i learned this week about weddings:

• if you order a dress, it could take 3 or more months to show up. meaning, i should really try on dresses.
• my friend anne is all about me trying them on this weekend, while i visit her in portland.
• if i want to buy a dress that doesn't involve the word "woman" i should think about starting that diet i've been talking about.

whew. so much to do! geez. we found the place, thank goodness, but we really need to put down a deposit so we can actually use it. we need to make our invitations, which also means finalizing our guest list and getting some addresses together. we need to figure out how to decorate our venue. paper plates or rentals? i think the biggest thing we need to do that will be the biggest pain in both our asses will be this: deciding on a caterer. as foodies, we're not sure anyone could do it better than us, our friends, and our family, but the thing is, if we want to actually enjoy the wedding, that means someone other than us need to be in charge of dinner. i've come to terms with this, but i know my dear man is still holding out, still trying to talk me into just doing all the food ourselves. luckily we are having this discussion now, and not three months from now. check back in three months, though, and make sure we've actually come to a decision.

i resolve to start with the planning, the decision making, and some of the purchasing, this very weekend. being with friends will help; i need someone else there to say "yay!" or "ew, gross." plus, i have a lot of married lady friends, who know about throwing big parties and where to get the best stuff. hooray for them!

polyester bride

first off, let me say that 99% of the time i love the site offbeat bride. there are great ideas, awesome photos, fun stories and a lot of helpful tips. lately, though, it's been driving me insane. let me explain.


my biggest beef with the Wedding Industrial Complex as it stands is that the idea seems to be that you have to a) spend more and more and more money, and b) everything has to be white and fluffy and have elements x, y and z or else it's going to suck. i can see most of that for what it is, sheer capitalism. offbeat bride (and other sites like it) are awesome because they don't demand that you have bridesmaids or a first dance or wedding favors. they spotlight couples who do handfasting, make bouquets out of antique buttons, as well as same-sex couples. they talk about elopements and courthouse weddings, weddings with children involved, and the variety of colors and settings are jaw-dropping. i love that.


however, i've noticed lately a trend where in all the stories where brides are talking about what made their wedding "offbeat" discuss two things; how they made everything and how their wedding was "totally, uniquely 'them.'" way to apply a totally new set of pressures on brides, kids. honestly, a lot of the interviews sound kind of smug and self-satisfied. oh-em-gee, of course your wedding was totally "you," YOU were the ones getting married. jeez. is there really any other kind of wedding to have? how do you have a wedding that's not you?


i want to make a lot of things for our wedding; like the invitations, the centerpieces for the tables, the decorations, but i don't want to make every single thing. after all, i do have a full time job and a family i would actually like to spend time with. plus, let's face it, i'm not great at everything. what's the point in making some elaborate centerpieces when they end up looking like an overzelous preschooler with some glitter and glue made them? i know my limits.

they also try to get you to make all your friends and family help with all the crafting, cooking and preparations. i think asking for some help is reasonable, but no one can convince me that my friends and family are going to be so excited to stay up all night long helping to assemble wedding favors. (and really, wedding favors? whose idea were they? i say NO to the wedding favor. your wedding favor can come in the form of dinner and red cup of keg beer.) people come to weddings to eat and either gawk at the new couple or get some dancing done. as long as you throw some food and drinks out there, and make it an otherwise awesome party, people will be happy and talk about how your wedding didn't suck. if they leave saying "dude! i had so much fun!" then yay! congratulations. as long as no one gets food poisoning or declares during the ceremony that they think we are a terrible, horrible, doomed couple, i'll be pleased.

i know this makes it sound like i'm dreading the wedding planning when in fact, i'm looking forward to doing some real planning, real soon. i'm hoping to shed some of the expectations i've been collecting the past few months, both on indie bride sites and from big wedding magazines (here's looking at you and your epic photo spreads, Modern Bride), pare things down to a reasonable amount of things to accomplish and start making my wedding truly, honestly, 100% me. (look, i snuck some snark in there.) at the end of the day, i want this wedding to be more more about me making a committment to my man and the kids, than it is about impressing anyone.

oh, and offbeat bride and brides? converse low tops are not offbeat in any way, shape or form anymore. wearing chucks under your gown is snooze-worthy. i'm sick of it! shoes do not make the girl. seriously. (where did that snark come from?! man, i am feeling kind of bitchy talking about wedding blogs and weddings.)