it looked at me just long enough to blink sleepily before laying back down. no matter how much i called "hey! baby goat! over here!" it just slept next to her mama and refused to be cute for my camera. lazy baby!how's the wedding planning going? pretty well. we have a caterer, we have a wedding dress, we have a deposit on the venue, and we have a pretty good idea what the invites will look like. we still need to either find a dj or a place to rent a PA system, nail down the menu, and find clothes for everyone else. i feel pretty good about the progress we've made, though. i have some stuff to do as far as decorations go, but nothing is too terribly complicated, so i'm not too stressed about that.
i've quit going on to the offbeat bride forums. they were beginning to make me crazy, and to be honest, they kind of fostered this "OMG my wedding is going to suck" feeling in me. when it's just me and dave talking about the wedding, i feel great. the moment i start to compare to anyone else's (and i do that way too often for my own good) i start to doubt myself. my dress was $50, and it is not fancy or princess-y in any way, which i think suits me, but then i see all sorts of fluffy, pretty dresses on other brides and think "maybe i'm missing out..." i see amazing photos that people obviously spent good money on, and i worry that my pictures won't be as awe-inspiring. i see groups of bridesmaids and groomsmen that look like they wandered over from a movie set, and i feel weird about not having a bridal party. i could go on and on. i like to think that i'm feeling a bit insecure because i want to do this right, because i only want to do it once and i want it to be the best it can be, but i worry that i'm just shallow and buying into the whole wedding-as-show thing.
when i stop and think about our wedding as more of a fun party for our loved ones, i relax. i remind myself that it's the marriage that's the important thing, and that being able to share it with our friends and family is the point. telling everyone that he's the one, introducing my new family, these things mean more than what i look like, how great our wedding favors are, or that the invitations were handmade. my wedding isn't a competition with anyone else, and it is only one day. i'm sure stuff will go wrong, i'm sure someone won't like the appetizers, and i'm sure that no matter what i'm going to have a great time.
