parent teacher conferences;

or one reason it's awesome being a pseudo-parent

the past few weeks i've gotten to go to both kid's parent-teacher conferences. now, we all know i think the kids are smart and funny and interesting people, (and they draw great photos, they tell the best jokes, and you should see them whip up a bowl of ramen!) but going to those conferences was great because their teachers all feel the same way. i got to bask in the accolades without actually having to earn them! i know it's ridiculous, and that D did all the hard work and heavy lifting, but i can't help but feel kind of proud when someone says, "i really enjoy having him/her in class," "as you can see, their grades are excellent" or my favorite, "whatever you're doing, keep it up!" maybe next year i'll feel like i put more time into actual parenting, instead of being mainly a sideline player and cheerleader, but then again, maybe not. the kids are fine, they were doing well before i ever entered the scene, and as far as school goes, both kids appear to enjoy it and do a wonderful job making sure their stuff gets done. whatever D's doing, he should totally keep it up (and i'll still do whatever it is i'm doing, and try to be a less-than-evil stepmother). don't think that means i won't attend the conferences, though; free cookies and coffee and a chance to hear how amazing my future step-kids are is a good time.

slowly but surely!

not a lot of actual wedding planning has been going on around these parts. we're still settling on the date, because while i LOVE the idea of an october wedding, realistically speaking we might want to move it up to september for weather reasons. i also forget how dark it gets in october; while i love it, it does also make me want to hide out in the house and i think that's kind of counter-intuitive to planning and executing a wedding. september it is, now to hammer down the exact day.

things i am thinking of in regards to wedding:

• these boots. when i was in high school and reading sassy magazine, i imagined that some day i would walk down the aisle in a tall pair of white docs. the other day on a lark i was looking them up on zappos and had a HOT DAMN moment. i showed them to D and he agreed they were fetching.
  
• magnetic save the date cards. i like the idea of having something that you can stick on your fridge, and how even if people don't come to the wedding, it's like they got a favor in the mail. at the same time i keep thinking save the date cards might be one expense i could cut out easily.
• etsy! i look at rings, i look at veils, i look at all sorts of wedding stuff there. some of it is to get ideas for things i could make, some of it is looking at things i couldn't even in a million years make (honestly, tulle and netting and i are not friends!), and some of it is just funny.

other than that, i'm just gearing up for my first holiday with the kids, hoping i can make it fun and interesting, wondering what kind of stuff we'll get up to and whether or not it's too late to start some new traditions. i've already started my shopping, and i've been making lists like crazy and assembling stocking stuffer items. it's fun to be an adult in charge of stuff like that in a lot of ways.

i should really post more here about things i've seen in regards to wedding stuff; if anything i think next year at this time it will crack me up.

la conner flats

every now and then D refers to me as his "fiancé" it cracks me up. it also makes me blush. i don't know why, exactly; i know we're getting married, i'm excited about it, but hearing that word makes me feel silly and slightly retarded. at the same time, "boyfriend" just doesn't cut it anymore. i propose we come up with something else that is less french, easier to type, and less giggle-inducing to say out loud.

about two weeks ago we checked out the la conner flats as a possible wedding site. sure, i know the lady who works there (who is awesome), so i might be biased, but it was honestly a lovely place. we had a good walk around, saw some goats, checked out the garden and produce, and both agreed we'd go back nearer to october, to see what it looks like then. the nice thing about having all this time to prep is we can check out sites way in advance, and then actually see them in season. i did a little internet investigation as well, and found that the past five years have seen amazing weather in the skagit valley around october. mostly sunny and warm, with only one year seeing much rain.

i've also been reading offbeat bride a LOT. the posts over there are seriously inspiring. doing this wedding ourselves, making it what we want, and doing things a little differently seems a lot less daunting now that i've seen so many other couples do it. the site is really just a wealth of information, and it makes me feel so much better about how we want to do this. the past few weeks i've struggled with my sister making what i think are undue demands; feeling guilty that i'm not giving her what she wants, but feeling angry that she would put me in that position to start with. checking out offbeat bride stories one thing pops up over and over; brides saying they're glad they did it their way, and that it was hard to stand up for what they wanted sometimes, but in the end their weddings were about them and their partners and the families they were creating. that's all i want, a great big party and celebration of my commitment to D, the new family we're making, and to share it with the people i love most. essentially, that's what the day should be all about, and i just have to hope that eventually everyone else figures that out and stops getting hung up on the details.

btw, we're getting hitched

went camping with the fam last weekend, and one night while we were all sitting around the fire talking, D brought up the wedding in the most casual way ever. the way he said it, i thought he'd already talked to his folks about it and was just mentioning it again in passing. no one really said anything, which was fine; i mean when i told my mom she didn't exactly "react." come to find out, D hadn't mentioned to his family at all, and they were a bit stunned. they weren't sure if he had told them before, because he was so blase about it, they thought maybe they were already supposed to know. hee hee... the next morning his mom comes over to our campsite and says, "so was that the big announcement?" and D says, sure it was, and she says, "well it went over like a lead balloon, i'm sorry!" we all had a good laugh, and then there were hugs all around and lots of "congratulations!" and "when is it?" they were all excited and happy and we had a great time that morning drinking coffee and going over ideas. i'm glad his folks are pleased, and his brother and sister-in-law were happy and smiley about it too. *whew.*

it's not like i thought they'd be upset or against it, but you really never know. D's never been married before, and we are a bit older and a bit unconventional, so i wondered if they'd be all for us being married but not all about a wedding. at first, that was my mom's reaction. that's not to say she wasn't happy for us and stuff, but we were just coming off my pop's death, and to be honest, we're not a family of "weddings." i always thought i'd run off to vegas or the courthouse, and i think she was as surprised as i was when i said that we were going to have a wedding with a reception and everything.

now all the parents know our plans, and luckily one of D's brothers just got married and his mom knows a lot about the local vendors and sites, so we can bug her all we want about caterers and such. speaking of, does anyone have an awesome caterer they want to recommend? i'm all ears.

late to this party

but come on, this is pretty much the greatest wedding party entrance EVER. it made me a little teary-eyed, to be honest. it was just so fun and joyful and everyone seemed to be having an awesome time. i bet their reception was stellar.

pie!

D isn't keen on the idea of a wedding cake. personally, i had my cake all picked out (it was a giant coconut cake, square and covered in fat flakes), but the more we talk about pie, the more i like the idea. i've seen a few sites mention pie instead of cake, and i realize there are all sorts of pies out there, including galettes, tarts and even hand pies.

my main issue with pies is 1) they can't be prepared too far in advance and 2) i have yet to see a pie buffet that i thought was pretty. a cake makes a grand statement, a row of pies, not so much. or at least i haven't figured out a way to make it look cool, and not just like a line of pies. they can also be messy and to be perfectly frank, i do kind of want that coconut cake. i understand that not everyone likes coconut, but dammit, i do. i'm only getting married once, and i like coconut! shit, i'd be happy with cupcakes, as long as some were coconut.

the jury is still out on this, but do you have a good pie recipe? do you want to pass it on? i'm not a huge fan of apple, just so you know. :-) i'm more a berry or cherry kind of girl! what do you think would make a pie buffet look elegant and modern, and not like a ton of pies? have you been to a wedding that didn't have cake, and if so, what did you think?

image via craftster!

hyphenation station

my parents are sort-of ex-hippies. not hippie enough to have named me tiger lily or rainbow blossom, but hippie enough to give me two last names. i've always been hyphenated. one of the first things people ask when they find out is, "what will you do when you get married? hyphen again?" and laugh at the idea of someone having three last names and two hyphens. um, that's ridiculous. i have never once in my life considered that an option, which is why it always surprises me that people think it's so funny! hee hee hee, i'd have three last names! dude, it's hard enough trying to explain two. three?! you've got to be kidding me.

however, now that marriage is on the horizon i've been giving surnames a lot of thought. on one hand, having only one last name would be easier. it would also be kind of nice since having two last names requires twice the signature and twice the explanations. (my stock answer to the "why" question is that my parent's thought it was funny.) having the same last name as the other members of my little family would be awesome, and since i'm kind of not technically "one of them," it would be nice to at least wear their name. at the same time, keeping one of my last names, and becoming a different kind of hyphen, would also be nice. i'd like to keep my father's name because it was one everyone in my family had at one point in time, and in marrying D i won't have my own children to name. mine came with names, and their own mom. if i'd had a bio-kid, it would have gotten a family name, but since that's not going to happen, it feels important to me to keep a part of my name. having a hyphen, part my old name, part my new name, would also be a fairly accurate representation of my relationship to everyone else; i was in fact part of another family before becoming part of this one, and both are important to me. i feel like one of them, like a good partner to D and a good adult-ish role model to the kids, and like part of their family, but i did come to the party late and am a different version of them. part of me just want to assimilate, just take their name and call it a day, and worries that keeping part of my name will just always keep me separated or singled out. their bio-mom kept her name, and i guess i wonder how the kids will feel if i do the same. will they worry i'll bail too? or will they just think it's normal? am i over-thinking all of this? probably. i tend to do that quite a bit.

i've talked to D about it, and he's okay with any decision i make. i'm glad i have the time to think this through, draw up pro and con lists, and talk to other people about it. when you got married, what name did you take, if any? did you keep your own? are your kids hyphenated? how do you feel about multiple last names and the people that have them? being born with it is one thing, adopting it later in life is another. it's flattering to think of people mistaking me for the kid's mom, and i enjoy what mom-ing i do, but i don't ever want to discount or displace their mom. she might not be around, but she is their mom and i wouldn't have them without her. i want them to know that in that way she's important. she's an absent member of the family, but we couldn't have done this without her. keeping part of my name feels like leaving a door open for her, like making a different space for me. i'm not a typical or traditionl mom, and while i don't want to have this huge conversation with everyone everytime i sign my name or go to the doctor's office or fill out a form, i wouldn't mind just smiling and saying, "it's my married name." thoughts?